Topic 1. Babies - A Momentous Few Days

The Bairn has created a monster!

Well, in creating The Bairn I have BECOME a monster. That might be a little more accurate.

Roll back to roughly Christmas 2010. As a desperate-to-conceive-ready-to-give-up-hope type lady, this was my daily ritual with Facebook.

• Check FB on iPhone
• "Oh look Other Half, Blahdeblah is pregnant" (smile, genuinely pleased; guiltily think ME! ME! I should be pregnant by now! AAAAAARGH! Turning smile into scary grimace.)
• "How cute! Suchandsuch's baby is smiling/waving/moonwalking/skydiving (delete as appropriate)
• Think to self - "If by some miracle I have a baby one day, I will NEVER bombard everyone with photos of my baby because:

1. Babies all look the same.
2. No one else gives a monkeys.
3. I HATE when a baby has become a parent's profile picture (unless that baby has become proficient at typing and social networking and has created its own profile. Clever little monkey! THAT'S the kinda baby news I wanted to hear!)

Back to present day - I have amassed exactly 2759 Facebook photo posts of my little cherub. (Of course not! I jest!..........Do I? I'm probably not that far off it actually...) But he's amazing. For example (mind if I do one more list? Thanks.) in the last few days he has learned:

• 4 new words, nearly 5 - if I rename myself Ammy.
• To wave.
• To scream at the end of a particular song where he's supposed to scream. Honest.
• To throw the cats his unwanted dinner (the ungrateful b*turds don't appreciate green beans. Rude).
• To roll/squirm around the room, wedging himself firmly beneath the coffee table - he has learned comedy.
• To play Peekaboo, holding the cloth himself. Not always successfully, but bless him!

Now these things seem trivial to most I'd assume, but to me and The Other Half they are monumental feats! Our hearts swell with pride, misty-eyed, we (well, I) type furiously into Facebook each time The Bairn achieves one of these marvellous milestones. Surely it would be rude not to share this with my close (200 or so) friends and family? Maybe I'll spoil them all with a little photo of the cheeky wee tyke with food all over his chubby little chops?
And strangely, ever since the pregnancy hormones kicked in I've become really fascinated with the progress of my friends' kids. And genuinely see something different in their wee faces - another dimension to their personalities. Or maybe this new maternal dimension to my personality is reflected in them?

Wow! I nearly got very deep there for a mo.

Point is, I'm sorry for becoming a baby-obsessed, sprog photo posting, Facebook bore.

Hmmmm... Let's just check how many likers I have for that photo of The Bairn "walking" in his wee white vest.....